In college I signed up to take a business class because it was known around campus to be an easy A. Everyone knew that the teacher’s policy was to give everyone an A who showed up and turned in all assignments. Why not sign up, right? However, the class was held early in the morning, and one had to be on time to be counted present. For me, being on time for a morning class was more difficult than taking Calculus, which I flunked twice.
Each week the professor aka. Mr. Teacher, because I can’t remember his name, assigned a brief one-page book report. The assignment was due before class the following week. He selected the book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Back in those days the book didn’t mean much to me. I’d skim the readings each week before class. Then I would write a quick synopsis with almost no thought or effort. The book was just a means to receiving easy A. Years after those foolish college days, the book kept resurfacing like The Ghost of Christmas Past. The book showed up at jobs, conferences, and church groups. Clearly the book was haunting me. Finally. I surrendered. I actually read the book, no skimming this time. We even became friends. There were no more weird ghostly surprise visits. Rather, I expected the book to show up at various functions. We seemed to like the same crowds.
Eventually I adopted a favorite habit from the book, habit five. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This habit has been beneficial on many occasions and in many life circumstances. Habit five is heartfelt because it helps to prevent a person from judging others based on preconceived notions. Have you ever listened to someone, interrupted and offered advice before the person even finishes talking? If so, your rationale may have been premature. Habit five also promotes active listening skills that foster genuine interest in what other people say. Have you ever raised your voice and talked over people to get your point across because you believed you were right? If that’s you or has ever been you, because it’s surely been me, this habit is for you.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood, helps us discover the reason behind a statement and/or action of a person. This habit requires one to ask, “Why?” Why questions can help create meaningful dialog. Why questions also help us to be empathic. Why do you believe what you believe? Why are you saying what you’re saying? Why is this important to you? If why isn’t in our vocabulary, then being highly effective is not in our future. King Solomon says it this way, “A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions” (Proverbs 18:2). And as followers of Christ, we can’t get comfortable with mediocre effectiveness. We must strive to be highly effective. This will not be easy, but remember, we will be graded.